December 7, 2025
During a recent work meeting, we were asked as an icebreaker question about our favorite holiday traditions. As I listened to others share stories of joyful family gatherings, my mind reflected on a conversation with a friend about how traditions can be challenging. When it was my turn, I explained that my traditions now are to create new traditions each year.
Traditions can be a wonderful thing, offering comfort and familiarity. But for some, they may evoke painful memories. After the loss of my wife, my daughters and I learned not to feel obligated to maintain past traditions. Instead, we focus on being present and adapting our celebrations to what feels right for us.
I value holiday traditions and appreciate their significance. They have always been a big part of my family’s routine. The comfort, the familiarity, the nostalgia, it can all be a recipe for fun and excitement and happiness. However, life’s changes can make certain customs difficult to continue. My memoir, Reflections, discusses how my family adjusted to holidays after our loss, emphasizing the importance of flexibility and self-compassion.
What I’ve learned over the years, and it’s taking me time to accept this, is to just be with the moment that I am in. Accept it, embrace it, be with it. The first few years after losing Daria were extremely difficult and I couldn’t imagine how I would be able to enjoy the seasons that were once so special and meaningful. At that time, that’s where I was and where I needed to be.
Over time, I have found ways to revisit some traditions, such as baking cookies and listening to holiday music, while choosing to forgo others that remain too painful. Since her passing, I have not been able to hang a stocking for Daria or myself on the chimney. Getting together with family on Christmas Eve and New Year’s, as we did every year, is still incredibly difficult for me and my daughters. Painful memories of those gatherings still linger. Maybe one of these years it will again feel comfortable…but for now I’m still not there. And I’m ok with that.
We now prioritize gentle, low-key celebrations and look forward to creating new, simple traditions each year—like trying a new recipe or attending a new holiday event. This year, my daughters and I will be attending a film festival with friends to watch some of the classic holiday specials on the big screen. That’s my big holiday moment for this year and I am so looking forward to it.
As the season approaches, I encourage patience and understanding for those who may find this time difficult. Above all, be kind to yourself and celebrate in a way that feels best for you.
To read more about our family traditions, you can purchase my memoir, Reflections at domcondo.com
