January 11, 2026
When living with grief, senses can play a big role in allowing you to experience a connection with your loss. This can be through site, hearing, smell, taste, or touch. The loss can be of a loved one, the loss of a pet, loss of a job, a remembrance of the house that you once lived, in or the playground that you visited as a child.
For me, the sense of smell has always been a part of making connections. Whenever I am around a freshly lit match, it immediately brings me back to my grandparent’s house. Cigarettes were more common in their house than in mine, and while I am not advocating cigarette smoking, that smell of a freshly lit match just as it was ready to touch the end of a cigarette brought comfort to me, bringing me back to sitting at my grandmother’s kitchen table, listening to her share her stories.
The sense of smell has also played a big part in my connection now with Daria. However, these are not common everyday moments, as if I am sensing her favorite perfume, shampoo, or lotion. These are random moments that catch me off guard, and they mostly happen when I have been out on a walk. The first time this happened to me, I was out for an after-dinner walk. One of the neighbors must have been doing their laundry as I walked by their house. I could smell either the laundry detergent or softener coming through the laundry vent, and it was the same scent that I remember from Daria’s house when we were dating. It must’ve been a scent that her mom used, and I haven’t thought of it in over 25 years, but at that moment it brought me right back to that time. It stopped me in my tracks. I didn’t know the brand, but I recognized the scent—and in that moment, I felt I wasn’t alone.
A more recent event that happened to me was on a Sunday morning when I was out walking my dog, Theo. While once again walking by a neighbor’s house, I caught the whiff of a fresh pot of coffee brewing. Fresh coffee has always been one of my favorite smells, so it immediately put a smile on my face. But then I realized, it has been years since I have woken up to the smell of fresh coffee brewing in my house. Again, that was a moment that stopped me in my tracks. We used to have a fresh pot of coffee brewing every morning. Whoever woke up first would put the coffee on. And I remember distinctly the Sunday mornings when I would sleep in a bit late, being woken up to the aroma of a fresh pot of coffee. It brought me back to coming downstairs, seeing Daria sitting at the dining room table, sipping on her 2nd cup, probably enjoying it with a chocolate chip cookie while cutting out the coupons from the Sunday morning paper. I would walk by and give her a quick kiss as I would head to the kitchen to get my cup of coffee. We didn’t even have to say a word to each other at that moment. It was just comfort and happiness.
I embraced that memory when it hit me during my morning walk. Yes, it made me sad realizing that it’s been years since I’ve enjoyed that Sunday morning comfort, but it was also a pleasant memory to experience and embrace. These days, I don’t make a full pot of coffee for myself. I’ve since given in and purchased a coffee maker that also allows me to make single cups. Daria was always against the single serve coffee pod machines. She didn’t want any parts of them, complaining that the coffee tasted horrible. I couldn’t argue with her on that. I don’t use the coffee pods much myself, I still prefer grinding my own beans and using the single serve basket. I think she would have been ok with that as well.
Maybe.
To read more about my experience with connections through senses, you can purchase my memoir, Reflections at domcondo.com