THANKFUL
November 8, 2024
In today’s world, it is not difficult to find yourself in a situation filled with stress and anxiety. The month of November, particularly, can bring these moments on full force.
Holidays seem to be rolling out earlier and earlier every year. It feels as if you are going to sleep just after the last trick-or-treaters leaves your house, and you are waking up the next day smack in the middle of the Christmas season and all the holiday rush that accompanies it. There are a lot of people who enjoy the Yuletide excitement, and that’s totally fine. I’m happy for those finding enjoyment in the seasonal spirit. The holiday vibes are kicking in for them when they need it most. But for others, me included, the approach of the holiday season can be difficult. It’s a bittersweet combination of memories that once were, along with a deep-cutting awareness of the changes that life has dealt you.
To avoid getting caught up in a holiday rush that I am not ready to be part of, I’ve decided to take a different approach. This year, I’m putting in my efforts to enjoy all things November. It’s kind of like my version of Seinfeld’s ‘Festivus’, but without the grievances.
My love for the fall season goes beyond pumpkin pie, scarecrows, hayrides and Halloween. For me, it’s a time to reconnect with nature and all its beauty. The falling leaves, the brisk chill in the air, and the many foods associated with this time of year brings me peace and comfort. It has become a time for me to practice mindfulness, compassion and kindness. I’ve learned to do this by taking time for myself. I find myself taking longer walks, whether on my own or accompanied by my daughter, Ava, and our dog, Theo. Instead of listening to my music or podcasts while walking alone, I pay more attention to what is going on around me. I take the time to soak in the falling leaves and hopefully catch a glimpse of a passing cardinal or blue jay.
There is also an abundance of unbelievable seasonal recipes that you can find for this time of year. We all bookmark them. We all look at them and we all share them. But how many of those recipes do we take the time to make? This year I’m challenging myself to make at least one new recipe each week. My dear friends Jackie and Dan recently gave me a container of fresh figs from their tree, and you can find the recipe that many of those figs were used in by clicking here.
While I may choose to not fully acknowledge the Christmas season just yet, I do allow myself to appreciate and embrace the Thanksgiving holiday. It was the holiday that my late wife, Daria, and I enjoyed celebrating together, going back to when we first started dating. I look back fondly on those memories, and I continue to decorate our Thanksgiving tree each year. It was Daria’s most favorite decoration in the house, and it allows me to connect with her spirit and energy at a time when I miss her most.
I also find enjoyment in having conversations with friends about how they plan on celebrating Thanksgiving. It’s always been a fun and enjoyable topic, hearing about their traditional family dishes, and how they compare to the recipes that we make for our family’s holiday dinner. It’s moments like these that allow me to enjoy and appreciate the time and space that we are in right now.
The holidays will be here soon enough, believe me. And if you enjoy getting a head start on them, all the better for you! I applaud you for embracing what brings you happiness. For me, I’m going to stay here among the orange and brown colors in the month of November for a while.
BOOKING IT: HOW I PREPARED TO GET MY MEMOIR PUBLISHED
September 24, 2024
Years ago, an author friend of mine told me…if you want a book to be published in the traditional way, you either need to be well-known, or you need to know the publisher well.
When I decided to publish my food blog memoir back in 2017, I chose the road of self-publishing…meaning that I was creatively responsible for everything involved with the book. The writing, the recipes, the layout, the cover design. All content fell 100% on my shoulders, right or wrong. Quality control was totally in my hands. The company that I would be using to print the book would be doing just that, and only that. Luckily, I’ve worked in the publishing business as an art director for many years, so I’ve picked up editorial and print publishing knowledge along the way and was able to apply those skills to make sure that my cooking memoir was properly completed. The benefit of self-publishing vs traditional was that there was no requirement to have thousands of books pre-printed for inventory. Instead of paying for rented space to house pallets of printed books – or having them piled up in my shed or basement – the books were printed per order.
The approach that I decided to take on my new soon-to-be released memoir has been quite different, to say the least.
Throughout the months that my wife was suffering with her illness, it was suggested that I start journaling to keep my thoughts in check and to get myself through the days. Journaling did not work well for me. We were trying to figure things out, we were trying to get answers. The journaling aspect felt like homework to me, at a time when my plate was overloaded. I felt like I had a million thoughts to share but was just not in the proper place mentally to write them down. The journaling experiment quickly stopped, but all these thoughts, feelings and stories stayed nestled deep inside of me. Last year, when I decided it was time to figure out a new creative path to follow, I knew that the moment had arrived for me to let these stories out and share them. I had been carrying so many thoughts and memories deep inside for so many years that to move forward, I would need to release what I have been carrying. Put it on a shelf so that it is there for me to visit, if necessary, but the need to carry these stories with me daily was no longer there.
Going back to the words that my friend had shared; I knew that I did not have the time or energy to track down a traditional publishing company to allow me to share my story. But I did not want to follow the same self-publishing path that I did the first go around with my food blog memoir.
I discovered a program that offered full publishing services, but on a self-publishing level. After a bit of research, a few interviews and an impressive presentation on their part, I decided that this was the path for me.
Through this program, a full editorial team was made available to me to proof and edit the manuscript that I would submit. Weekly check-ins were put into place to help track my progress, along with the progress of the publishing team. Aside from proofreading and checking for misspellings and punctuation, it was also the editorial team’s duty to make sure that my manuscript was grammatically correct and had an interesting (and proper) flow. After submitting the first few chapters of my manuscript, the editors punched things up to make it sound a bit more appealing. And I will tell you that I was not happy with the initial results. The voice did not sound like me, the stories did not sound like my stories. The publishing team was very understanding and sensitive to my needs. They wanted my voice to be heard. They suggested that I submit to them samples of previous writings, along with social media and food blog posts. Through these samples, they were able to get a better feel and understanding of my voice. From here, their assistance proved to be invaluable. The stories were mine; the thoughts were mine; the feelings were mine. The wording was punched up and spiced up just enough to make it more appealing than I was able to do on my own.
Next on the list was coming up with a cover concept. This was a particularly interesting phase for me. As I mentioned earlier, I have been employed as an art director in the medical print publishing field for many years. For this project, I was able to express my thoughts and ideas to a creative team that would turn my suggestions into reality. It was very fun and exciting to be on the opposite side of the cover design fence. Again, the team was very open and responsive to my thoughts and suggestions, and I have to say that the result was more powerful and impressive than I could have imagined.
After an almost twelve-month process, and multiple levels of proofing and editing, the entire manuscript was finally put together. A full proof was submitted to me a little over a month ago, and I was happy to share it with a close friend of mine, who helped give a final edit and was able to acknowledge that it was indeed my voice being heard and my story that was being told. I let out a huge sigh of relief, knowing that what I was striving for was coming to fruition.
So here we are, waiting for the final edited version to be shared with me so that I can give the go ahead for the book to be published. From that point, the book will be available through Amazon as a digital download and as a print-on-demand hard copy. Luckily, I will not have to give up any storage space in my house!
Stay tuned for more information to be shared, hopefully soon, on the release of my new book, Reflections: A Young Widower’s Journey Through Loss, Hope and Healing.
FIGURING OUT THE PIECES
September 1, 2024
Over the years, as I was working my way through my grieving process, I had collected numerous books on how to survive and thrive a traumatic loss. Some were gifted to me, others I bought on my own out of curiosity. While a good number of these books were helpful in giving advice on moving forward, I was not able to find a connection to the actual loss that the author suffered.
This is a process that is, and should be, different and unique for everyone. There is no right or wrong, there are no manuals and no videos for guidance on dealing with an actual loss. It’s a process that one experiences on their own terms.
As I wandered around the kitchen the morning after my neighbors and I had our back yard hangout, dozens of ideas were running through my head. The first idea was how to reinvent myself through a new website. I had been sharing ideas of food therapy, and how being in the kitchen and getting lost in my cooking had been helpful for me while I was grieving.
I could put something together about that…maybe I could host zoom sessions where I invite others who are grieving to sit around and share recipes and moments that brought them joy…ok this is good!
But then I realized that I was following the exact template that had frustrated me over these years of grieving the loss of Daria. I was offering solutions for problems that I had no connection to.
As I contemplated this, the years of pain, frustration and loss washed over me and quickly reminded me why my family’s life had been redirected onto an unplanned path. It was the tragedy that we had endured individually and as a family that had brought me to this point…the point that I was willing to share with others and maybe, just maybe, offer some needed support and encouragement.
That’s when I decided that to successfully roll out this new website idea, I needed to share my story of how I got here in the first place. That’s when I decided to write a book about loss and hope that we experienced, and the healing process that we still go through every day. By sharing this, my new website would have purpose.
For the website to be successful, the book would allow the website visitors to get a true understanding of my loss and the process that I continue to follow. For the book to be successful, the website would serve as a continuation of the story, allowing me to share visuals that I talk about in the book. I could share quick videos of moments that may be inspiring – or not so inspiring – to allow others to understand that it’s ok to embrace the good moments and the bad moments.
Oh, and that food therapy idea…
I have the plan in place. Time to put it all together!
Up next … I’ll share with you the process that I went through to have my book published.
HOW DID I GET HERE?
August 18, 2024
How did I get here? How did this new project come about?
I’ve written for my own food blog for over 15 years, and already put out a self-published a book. Why am I starting over again?
Believe me, all these thoughts have been circulating in my head quite a bit these past months. But truth be told, this was all something that I needed to do.
It all started just over a year ago. There were a lot of plates spinning in the air for me, both personally and professionally. Springtime was unusually busy and hectic.
The first year of college for Jules was quickly coming to a finish. We had a family wedding that both Jules and Ava were a part of to look forward to celebrating.
I was questioning my work skills and value as I was approaching the 30th year of earning a living as a graphic designer. My food blog – while still a passion of mine – was starting to feel stale and stagnant. A double whammy of feeling behind the design skills eight ball.
I was trying my best to manage all this while being a solo parent and handling all of life’s responsibilities. A lesson that you will never master. All of this was happening as I was quickly approaching a big milestone…my 5oth birthday. I was at a crossroads, and I was feeling the burn from it all. So much so, that I found myself at the doctor’s feeling stressed and overwhelmed. I was told that I needed to step back and pace myself.
The first step that I took in pacing myself was by controlling the efforts that I was putting into work. Still giving my 100%, but not going above and beyond. Allowing myself time to breathe. Appreciating what I had in front of me. Spending more time with my family and just being part of the moment. This was helping! But I still needed something creatively to keep me motivated. Creativity is part of my DNA; I couldn’t just let that part of me fall to the wayside.
I needed a little guidance, so I decided to reach out to both a career counselor and a life coach, to get their feel and perspective on my position in life. Both came to the same conclusion…that I have a passion to express myself creatively, and that I have a lot of experience to share with others in an influential way. But it was up to me to really dig in to figure out this path.
I enjoy working as a graphic designer. But it’s an ever-changing and competitive field, and I only know what I know. Cooking and food blogging have been a therapeutic passion of mine. As I said, my blog was feeling dated. Do I reinvent my food blogging approach?
What resonated most with me was having deep conversation with those who I was able to connect with. I’m very fortunate to have a network of family and friends who support the girls and I as we figure out this path of ours. Within that network is my tribe. The people who I can sit and have deep and meaningful conversations with and express myself with no judgment, while also honoring and respecting their life’s struggles and worries.
What I was finding during many of these conversations was the appreciation for being open and honest with my words and actions. Being told that my words and actions were offering comfort and inspiration was very meaningful. It was also inspiring me to consider new ways to express myself creatively. Ways that could help benefit others. But how?
Fast forward to Labor Day weekend. My neighbors and I were hanging out on my back deck, having some drinks and toasting the end of the summer season. I was sharing all these thoughts and emotions that I’ve been experiencing. This led conversation of how much I enjoy talking and sharing while in an environment with food…which then led to someone saying, “well, we’re going to have to figure out a new food blog for you!”
The next morning, I woke up to a dozen new ideas, and I hit the ground running.
